Yes, we have a teenager.

Over and over again the world talks about how horrible or difficult teenage years are for both  the children who are teenagers and their parents.

But, from our perch, it is far from that. (today?)

Yes, it is filled with these complicated aspects:

Long nights of sleep of 12-hours or more.

Deep grunts or eye rolls when asked to consider doing something.

Binge TV watching of a show that makes your adult mind numb.

Lying on the floor for no reason.

Changes in mood that swing from a moment of laughter to the next of extreme frustration that  something went wrong.

And of course, it is always something we as parents did wrong.

In the moment the activity we are doing as a family is never interesting or cool but after if it was actually amazing it becomes a bragging point to a friend.

And some super smelly feet that clearly need a shower.

But more interestingly, it is filled with:

A plethora of experiences trying to be independent

Moments of incredible self growth

Pronouncing needs and wants

Expressing deep feelings louder and more public than ever before

Realizations

Testing and learning what trust means

Let us share a story to elaborate on the above.  Here in Chile , we have bikes both for exercise and the ability to get to school, run errands etc….  The other day, we told Noah, that we had some errands to run in a nearby town and might be late for pickup, so we’d like for him to bike ride home if we were not back.  We finished our errands and arrived back at home early enough to pick up Noah, but decided since had his bike and likes his independence we would let him ride home.  He is always happier when he gets some activity and space. 

So fast forward a week later and we said the same thing about him coming back home before we are back.  However, this time he got up real close to me and said with clearly anger that had been held back from last time, “ok but if you actually get back early, I am not riding my bike up that final hill.”  I responded with “What?”  He raised his voice and said, “last time I did it and then you were just sitting on the couch when I got home.”

Ah hah, got it. It all clicked, he was not lazy and it wasn’t biking up the hill that was the problem.   When we thought he was being selfish, in reality we were the ones who had broken our trust.  Word of honor is sacred.  We said we would come if we were back, but we didn’t.    

When it comes down to it, we often all don’t know what we want or why we want it and sometimes the words or actions just don’t come out how we want as teens and as adults. 

Each day we soak up these teenage interactions, at times they are hard, but we learn so much from each other, as we all grow together as adults.