“Kassels” we responded when asked what Noah’s last name was. And the women looked up and said “y el apellido segundo?” (and the other last name?), the town administrator asked.
“He doesn’t have one.” Seth replied “What about his mother’s last name?” the town administrator responded with frustration.
Seth responded back with we don’t have a second last name. The group of women in the office all started to chat rapidly in Spanish with firm looks on their faces. And looked back over and said “Oh Los Estadios Unidos” (oh the united states) “they don’t think about the women.”
In Latin culture females do not give up their family names at marriage and children take both of their parents original last names. And both names carry great value. Steph kept her last name when she married as a second middle name but our son’s did not get both last names.
The boys had a moment of playfulness trying to consider what they may use as a second last name (if it were not to be a family name). “Kuchen Kassels”…their new favorite word as Kuchen is a traditional cake eaten in this region of Chile from the German heritage. They pretended to be an announcer and calling out Tobin and his stage name…
But when it came down to it we all understood the gravity of what we just experienced. Why traditionally were the last names of women in the US not used, why is the continuation of a women’s family history not valued. A long conversation on equity and equality ensued.
Names are important to identity, history and cultural roots. And calling and identifying someone by the right name can generate a sense of belonging. So many times Steph had just said she does not have a middle name because in the US there is only room for one middle name, once again a last name is lost. Maybe it’s time to change it to a hyphen.
